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EOTW: Sasha's Calling: Chapter Ten

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Warriors Series 5.5: Echoes of the War
Novella 5: Sasha's Calling
Chapter Ten

     The loner sat in the snow for a while after Sharpstar had gone. Her mind was racing with thoughts and memories, but the panic she’d felt last time she’d gotten this offer no longer accompanied them. She allowed her mind to go over her entire life, her memories of the Clans, and her feelings for SkyClan.

     She started with her early life with her house folk. In those first moons, she had been happy as a kittypet. She wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. But Ken and Jean were gone, and she had enjoyed life in the wild much too long to ever be happy as a kittypet again. That life was behind her - but so was any happiness she’d had in her life as a rogue. Her first moons on her own had been happy, but she’d been doomed to be unsatisfied in that life from the moment she set paw in ShadowClan’s camp. Whatever choices she’d made, whatever she’d denied herself through fear or through circumstance, she wasn’t made for living alone. She was a cat that longed for the companionship of others, and the friendship and loyalty they could offer each other. She wasn’t a loner anymore than she was a kittypet. But if that was the case, then what was she?

     Slowly, her mind played over her time with the Clans. Hunting in the forest with Blackfoot’s patrol. Joking and laughing with Russetfur. Fighting side by side with ShadowClan to confront ThunderClan intruders. Swimming and hanging out with Leopardstar. Overlooking her kits’ training as they grew into full RiverClan warriors. The joy of seeing them earn their full names. And finally, oddly, her mind jumped back to a particular moment, when she and her kits had tried to take shelter at the barn, to the farm queen panting and trembling in front of her after she beat her in battle. Sasha had been shaking with righteous anger, standing between the miserable she-cats and the kits she would die to protect, and the queen had said something. “You're... you’re one of those stupid warriors, aren’t you?”

     She remembered her response to that miserable she-cat - and suddenly, everything felt clear.

     “Sasha?” The loner turned to see Shrewtooth approaching from the camp, coming to stand before her. A thick clump of cobwebs had been wrapped around his wounded leg, some sort of herb poultice being kept in place by the webs. Concern glowed in the tom’s eyes. “You’ve been out here for a while,” he mewed. “Did Sharpstar say something to you?”

     The loner purred. Though there was still a flutter of fear in her chest, the sight of the tom brought a sense of joy and comfort that only hardened her resolve. “Nothing bad, I promise,” she assured him. “Just something I needed to hear.” Shrewtooth looked confused, but there was a glow of relief in his eyes. Sasha stood. “Come on,” she mewed, suddenly feeling much lighter than she had in seasons. “It’s a beautiful night. I feel like going stargazing - care to join me?”

     Warmth lit up in a Shrewtooth’s eyes. “I know the perfect place,” he told her.

     The deputy led Sasha to the top of the gorge, guiding her up a series of ledges and across a large crevice, until they were at the top of a large rock. Sasha padded curiously up to the edge of the rock, surprised to see that it jutted out over SkyClan’s camp. She could see the dark water of the river churning past below, and a few distant specks as cats paced in front of the medicine den, but other than that all was still below.

     “This is the Skyrock,” Shrewtooth informer the loner. “The Clan holds the Gathering here every full moon, and leaders gain their nine lives here. It’s the closest in SkyClan territory that you can get to StarClan.” There was a peaceful gleam of contentment in Shrewtooth’s eyes as he settled down onto the snow. Sasha laid down beside him. “We can see our ancestors more clearly here than anywhere else.”

     Sasha glanced curiously at Shrewtooth. “How do you have Gatherings without the other Clans?” she asked.

     “We may not have neighbors to share our news with, but the full-moon truce is still important to SkyClan,” the deputy explained. “We hold Gatherings every full moon to honor that, and our traditions, and to tell each other stories of the past moon and celebrate our accomplishments.”

     Sasha allowed that to sink in as she and Shrewtooth settled side-by-side onto their backs to stare up at the stars. The earlier flurrying had stopped, and the clouds had pulled away, leaving a perfectly clear night sky above them. Hundreds of thousands of stars gleamed in the dark sky and lit up the night. Sasha could understand perfectly why Shrewtooth called it the closest one could get to StarClan - she almost felt like she could reach out with her paw and scoop up the stars in her claws and take them for her own.

     There was something comforting about the closeness of the stars, and the closeness of Shrewtooth’s pelt against her own. She was feeling braver than she had in seasons. If this was a place for sharing stories of the past and reaffirming bonds between cat and cat, then maybe it was finally time to face her own past by sharing it with another.

     “I wasn’t born a loner, you know.” Shrewtooth turned a little to face her, his yellow-green gaze fixed curiously on her, but he said nothing, allowing her to continue. “My mother was a she-cat named Sapphire. She was a purebred Siamese cat.”

     “Purebred,” Shrewtooth repeated, eyes glowing with surprise. “You mean, a kittypet?

     Sasha nodded. “Her house folk wanted her to have purebred kits of her own, but my mother was stubborn,” she told them. Memories of the beautiful she-cat swam in her mind, making her pause. She hadn’t thought of her mother or father in seasons. The happy, secure first moons of her life felt like part of someone else’s story, or like they were from another lifetime. “Instead she had kits with a local kittypet, a tom named Blackjack, with no Siamese blood,” she continued. “My littermates and I were their kits. We were raised with house folk all around us, and eventually we were each sent off to live with our own house folk.”

     “I missed my family, but my house folk, Ken and Jean, welcomed me into their home. They loved me like a kit of their own.” Grief clawed at Sasha’s heart. “But then Jean got sick. My house folk were already old when I moved in as a kitten, and Jean died when I was still young. Then Ken was taken away by some younger house folk, and I was left alone.”

     Sasha paused, taking a moment to collect herself. Shrewtooth reached out a paw and laid it comfortingly over her own. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I was never that close to any of my twolegs, but I’ve seen how much my daylight Clanmates love their house folk. I’m sorry you lost them.”

     “Your twolegs?” Sasha repeated, surprised out of her grief. “You were a kittypet too?” She had hidden her own kittypet roots for so long out of fear of being looked down on that sometimes she forgot that she wasn’t the only kittypet-born wild cat. Even in the accepting SkyClan, with their daylight warriors and kittypet visitors, she somehow hadn’t stopped to think more than the daylight cats had kittypet roots.

     Something dark flashed in Shrewtooth’s eyes. “For a time, yes,” he said carefully. “My mother wasn’t a kittypet, but she did live with twolegs as a farm cat, hunting mice that lived in the barn, and the twolegs looked after her and gave her a place to live.” For a moment, a wistful gleam came into Shrewtooth’s eyes, replacing the earlier fear. “Her name was Tess,” he murmured. “My father left before I was born, and my littermates were stillborn, so it was just me and my mother. She called me her little Shrew, and she looked after me - but she died when I was still kit.”

     Sympathy pricked at Sasha’s heart. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

     Shrewtooth just gave a sad twitch of his tail, then continued, “I learned to hunt and live on my own in the woods. But when I was still a young cat, an old twoleg captured me and made me his kittypet.” The fear returned to Shrewtooth’s eyes, and he seemed to draw in on himself, becoming smaller, more vulnerable. “My time as a kittypet wasn’t... pleasant. I don't talk about it much.” He glanced at her after a moment, his expression suddenly apologetic. “I'm sorry, I know you've been telling me about your own past...”

     It was hard to see the kind, thoughtful tom retreating into his fear and hurt the way that he was - but Sasha could see her own pain and fear reflected in the tom, and she understood it. “Don't worry about it,” she assured him in a gentle mew. “I waited until I was ready to tell you. I'm not going to push you for anything if you're not ready.” Fear flickered in Shrewtooth's eyes again, but after a moment, there was gratitude there instead. Sasha allowed her tail-tip to brush comfortingly across his flank, then she changed the subject so Shrewtooth didn’t have to dwell on his fearful memories. “I did sort of the same thing you did,” she mewed. Shrewtooth's gaze grew calmer as he listened. “I decided that if I couldn’t have my house folk, I didn’t want any, and so I left to live on my own in the woods.” Her breath caught for a moment. “And that's where I met him.”

     “Him?” Shrewtooth repeated gently. He seemed to sense the shift in Sasha's mood; his paw reached out to brush against hers again. There was sadness in his eyes, as if he at least partly guessed where this was going, but he said nothing further on it.

     “Tigerstar,” Sasha breathed. Memories of the dark tabby flooded her mind; his dark fur, the hard muscle under a rippling pelt, the scars from a lifetime of battle, his intense amber gaze that sent her heart racing. The dark heart that had taken everything she loved away from her. “He was ShadowClan's leader when I came to the forest. He was strong and handsome and brave, and he helped teach me how to hunt and fight like a Clan cat.” She closed her eyes. “I fell in love.”

     Shrewtooth waited patiently as Sasha paused to pull herself together. “Tigerstar gave me the chance to join ShadowClan to be his mate. And I almost accepted. I loved him more deeply than I'd ever loved before, even though he thought that kittypets were worthless, even though he made me swear not to tell any cat that I'd been a kittypet, because he saw it as shameful.” Sympathy glowed in Shrewtooth's eyes. “And part of me still loves him, even after everything. But I learned the truth about him before I had the chance to join his Clan.”

     “What truth?” Shrewtooth asked gently.

     “Tigerstar was born in ThunderClan, and had been their deputy for a time, before becoming ShadowClan's leader,” she explained. “He told me that his leader had exiled him because she envied his strength – but the truth was that he had murdered the old deputy in secret so he would be chosen in his place.” Shrewtooth stiffened, surprise and horror flashing in his eyes. “After the truth was discovered, Tigerstar was exiled, then he became ShadowClan's leader after their old one died.”

     A bitter edge came to her mew as she added, “But that wasn't enough for him. I overheard him and his warriors planning to take over the other Clans by force, and killing any cat who stood in their way, or who had divided loyalties by being halfClan. I later learned that he took all halfClan cats in RiverClan prisoner and forced them to fight to the death. I left him and the forest as soon as I found out the truth, and while I was gone, Tigerstar was killed by a rogue he tried to ally with to take over the forest.”

     “That's horrible,” Shrewtooth breathed. Sasha expected judgment, but there was only gentle sympathy in his eyes. “I'm so sorry, Sasha.”

     Sasha sighed. “That's not everything,” she murmured. “After I left the forest, I discovered I was expecting Tigerstar's kits.” Surprise flashed in Shrewtooth's eyes, but he stayed silent, allowing her to continue. “I came back to the forest to give birth to them, though I stayed well out of ShadowClan's way. There were three of them. Hawk, Moth, and Tadpole.” The name of her firstborn brought a fierce wave of grief crashing over the she-cat, but she forced herself to press on. “I struggled to look after them on my own. I had to leave them alone when they went hunting, and as they got older, they got more adventurous. One day, they snuck away to twolegplace while I was out hunting, to see if they could find Ken if he was still alive. They got trapped in a den that flooded... Hawk and Moth made it out, but Tadpole drowned.”

     This time, Sasha allowed herself to feel her grief, closing her eyes and feeling her pelt tremble all over with the force of it. Shrewtooth brushed his tail against her, and Sasha leaned into his embrace, burying her muzzle against his neck and allowing the tom to steady her trembling. “I'm so sorry,” Shrewtooth repeated, his mew trembling a little. Horror was glowing in his eyes. “I can't even imagine.”

     Sasha just nodded. She gave herself some time to stop her trembling and reign her grief back in before continuing. “I realized after Tadpole died that I wasn't up to caring for Moth and Hawk by myself.” Her mew was rough with emotion, but she managed to keep herself from slipping back into that horrible haze of grief again. “Another rogue had told me that RiverClan was less aggressive and hostile than the other Clans, so I decided that the only thing I could do to provide for my kits was to have us all join RiverClan. Their leader, Leopardstar, was kind, and she started my kits on their warrior training not long after we joined the Clan. My kits were happier than they'd ever been.”

     “I was determined to make sure no one ever knew who Mothpaw and Hawkpaw's father was,” Sasha continued. “Tigerstar's life of murder and treachery was revealed to the Clans before he died, so he was hated by all of the Clans now, and I didn't want my kits to be judged for their father's deeds. But I quickly realized that there was no way that it would remain secret if I stayed with the Clan. I would have to attend Gatherings eventually, and the ShadowClan cats I knew when I was with Tigerstar would recognize me, and they would realize just who had fathered my kits. So I made the hardest decision I ever had to. I left my kits to be raised by RiverClan, and returned to my life as a rogue, alone.”

     Sasha nearly broke down again, but Shrewtooth touched his nose to her cheek, murmuring, “I can't imagine how hard that choice must have been. But you were trying to do what was best for your kits. No cat could blame you for that.”

     The loner stared at Shrewtooth for a few moments. He was so gentle, so understanding, because he had felt fear and loss too. In that moment, Sasha was struck by just how different he was from Tigerstar – and how much she loved him for it. A small purr escaped her before she continued. “Hawkfrost and Mothwing grew up to become RiverClan warriors, though Mothwing later decided to train as a medicine cat. I visited them as often as I could. Eventually, the twolegs began destroying the forest, and the Clans decided to leave entirely.” Shame flooded her as memories of that day played in her mind. “I... I was scared. I knew the forest wasn't safe for my kits anymore, and I was scared the the Clan could no longer protect them as I'd hoped. I didn't want to lose them. I confronted them in front of the Clans and asked them to leave their Clan to live with me again. And... I revealed who their father was, in front of everyone, to try and push them into leaving.”

     She sighed. “But I failed. Mothwing was the Clan's full medicine cat by that point, they needed her, and Hawkfrost... well, he was always polite, but I could sense him growing more distant to me over the moons. I think he wanted to be seen as totally loyal by his Clanmates, and having a rogue mother soiled that, so he tried to push me away. There was no way he would ever leave his Clan for me.” She closed her eyes, fighting back a wave of pain. “That was the last time I ever saw either of them. The Clans left the forest, and I wandered alone, too scared to care about anyone again – until I met you and SkyClan.”

     Surprise flashed in Shrewtooth's eyes. After a moment, though, the look there softened into warmth. “I can't imagine how hard all of that must have been,” he murmured. He pressed against Sasha's side, laying his chin over her head, while she curled up against him. “I see now why you were so reluctant to stay with our Clan. I'm sorry.” He pulled back, gazing at her with a somber expression. “But I hope... from everything you told me, you were always trying to do what was best for your kits. Even if you made mistakes, you were always trying to protect them. They were lucky to have a mother like you. What you went through was terrible, but you're a good cat, Sasha. I've always known that.”

     Emotion surged in Sasha's chest at his words. She twined her tail with his, trying to steady its trembling. Shrewtooth watched her with a gentle gaze as he continued, “And I hope you can believe that SkyClan cares about you. We're not like Tigerstar or his Clan. I know my Clanmates, and these cats, they really care about you – and, well, I care about you too. A lot.” There was a shyness to the tom's expression as he admitted that, but his mew didn't waver.

     Sasha pressed her muzzle against his neck, purring deeply. Recounting her past had been difficult, but somehow, now that it was all out in the open, she felt freer than she had in seasons. “I believe it,” she murmured. “It took me a while, but I truly believe it – and I care about you too, Shrewtooth.” Joy flashed in Shrewtooth's eyes, and she could feel a deep purr rumbling within his chest as she pressed against him.

     “And I think I finally know what to do about it.”

SCENEBREAK

     “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the Rockpile for a Clan meeting!”

     Sharpstar's call drew the attention of every cat in the clearing. The cats of SkyClan abandoned their evening meals and made their way to the Rockpile, gathering in a crowd in front of it. Sasha joined them. She came to stand beside Shrewtooth and Frecklewish. The tabby leader stood atop of the rocks, his head lifted proudly.

     “Yesterday, our warriors fought bravely to drive a dog from our territory,” he called out for every cat to hear. “Our patrols have confirmed that the dog has left our borders. From the beating it got yesterday, I doubt it will be in any hurry to return.” Triumphant yowls rose from the crowd, warrior and loner visitors alike cheering for the Clan's victory. The cats from the patrol were all in the crowd, even Harrytooth, who had recovered from his blow to the head. Billystorm stood proudly beside his son, joining the crowd's cheers.

     Sharpstar allowed them to cheer for a short time before waving his tail for silence. “But our victory was only possible because of one cat, who warned our patrol in time to save them,” he continued. “A cat who has been a friend and ally to our Clan time and time again, and has proven to have the loyalty, compassion, and courage that any warrior would be proud of. And today, she finally takes her place among us.” The tom lifted his chin. “Step forward, Sasha!”

     Shocked mews rose from the crowd. The she-cat had discussed her decision with no one other than Shrewtooth and Sharpstar before the Clan meeting. As the surprise wore off, however, she could see joy and acceptance shining in the eyes of the cats all around her. The kits, the warriors, the elders... even Tetra and her kits, who had only known Sasha for a short term, were purring their approval. Shrewtooth nudged her shoulder, murmuring, “Go on.” She glanced back at him with a small purr, then rose to her paws, approaching the Rockpile. As she padded up to the SkyClan leader, her mind once again played over her victory over the farm queen, and the queen's question. “You're... you're one of those stupid warriors, aren't you?”

     And with a proud heart, she remembered her response. “That's right. I am a warrior.”

     Sharpstar leaped down from the Rockpile, standing before the loner. “Sasha, is it your wish to become a warrior of SkyClan, and to serve beside us for the rest of your life?” he asked, calling out so that every cat could hear.

     Sasha met the leader's gaze calmly. “It is,” she answered in a clear mew. All of the fear and hurt that had plagued her for so long was muted now, leaving her strong and confident as she stood before her new leader. She knew that wasn't the end of it. Hurt like hers was not banished so easily, and she knew there would be hard days still ahead. But with the love and support of her new Clan, she could get through it, and she knew now more clearly than ever that this was where she belonged. She was no loner – she had always been, deep in her heart, a warrior.

     “On one condition,” she continued. “I would like to keep my name. My house folk gave it to me, and I am proud to carry it still, and to remember the love they had for me.” Even more surprised cries rang out from the crowd, from the cats who hadn't known of her kittypet past. Sasha no longer felt fear of being shamed for it. Not from this Clan. The fear that Tigerstar had taught her would no longer rule her. She was finally ready to leave Tigerstar, and everything he had meant to her, behind her.

     Sharpstar dipped his head. “Very well,” he rumbled. When he lifted his head once more, he began with the words that Sasha thought she would never get to hear. “I, Sharpstar, leader of SkyClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this cat. She has fought hard to defend the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn.”

     Her breath caught as he continued, “Sasha, do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?”

     Sasha's mind flashed to the memories of her time with the Clans. Of the strength and courage she'd felt when fighting beside Tigerstar. Of the joy of seeing her own kits become warriors. Of the love and loyalty she shared with the SkyClan cats. And she knew her answer.

     “I do.” Her words rang out clear for every cat to hear.

     “Then by the powers of StarClan, I confirm your warrior name,” Sharpstar announced. “From this moment on, you will continue to be known as Sasha. StarClan honors your strength and your compassion, and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan.”

     Joy, fiercer than Sasha had ever known, flooded through the new warrior as the ceremony was completed. She dipped her head to her leader, allowing Sharpstar to rest his chin atop her head. As he pulled back and she lifted her head, she could hear her new Clanmates calling out her name with joy and love in their voices. “Sasha! Sasha! Sasha!”

     Her path had been a hard one. She had known loss and suffering and betrayal, and the ones she had loved most dearly had been lost to her. But she had survived. She had broken past the loss of her past by allowing herself to find love and happiness again. Two of her kits were still alive, and happy with their lives somewhere, and now it was time for her to be happy too. She had finally fulfilled the calling that had been waiting for her all of her life. She was a warrior at last. And now, with her new Clan all around her, and with the support of her fellow warriors, she knew that she was exactly where she belonged.
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I promised I'd have the next chapter up soon. ^^ Like I said, this was supposed to be part of chapter nine, but it got too long, so I chopped it into two chapters. That means there's still one more chapter for this novella, chapter eleven, and I'm gonna try to get that done and posted really soon. I know this chapter seemed rather final, but trust me, there's a bit more to wrap up - all I'll say is, expect a jump forward in time. ;)

So here we get to see Sasha opening up to Shrewtooth about her past, and we get to learn a little more about his, namely his mother's name. I'm gonna give the descriptions and names for all of Sasha's parents and littermates, and for Shrewtooth's mother, because I feel like it. :P

Sasha's Parents:

Sapphire - lithe, tall oriental cream she-cat with dark brown points and blue eyes, purebred Siamese
Blackjack - small black tom with a white muzzle, chest, and paws, and pale yellow eyes

Sasha's Littermates:

Pearl - white she-cat with blue eyes
Sassy - light creamy-brown she-cat with a white chest, muzzle, and paws and ice-blue eyes
Layla - dark brown she-cat with yellow eyes
Poe - small, skinny black tom with a white chin, chest, and paws and yellow eyes
Tao - cream tom with brown points and blue eyes

Shrewtooth's Parents:

Tess - scruffy dark gray-and-white she-cat with yellow-green eyes
Juniper - sleek black tom with golden eyes, loner

Juniper and Tess had a brief relationship, but Juniper wasn't up for something more committed, so he left before Tess discovered she was pregnant. The rest of her kits were stillborn. I based Sasha's littermates off of the page in Into the Woods that shows her and her littermates in their nest together, though I expanded on their designs a bit. They all went on to be happy kittypets, I think, I didn't really want to go too much into their stories, just their descriptions. I liked the idea of Sasha being half-Siamese, sort of making her a bit of a halfbreed with rebels in her family from the start, to make her even more of a stark contrast from the pureblood-obsessed Tigerstar. Plus, I liked the idea of her build being sort of half Siamese, lithe and with a longer muzzle and narrow face, but not nearly as much as a full-blooded Siamese.

And we also finally see Sasha become a warrior, in the finale that probably everyone saw coming, but oh well. :P Really, the main reason for me writing this novella boils down to that one line from Return to the Clans. "That's right, I am a warrior." That was when I became convinced that Sasha wasn't just a loner who had some unfortunate run-ins with the Clan but never belonged with them. She was a warrior at heart, just as much as any Clanborn cat, but the situations she was in kept her from becoming a warrior. That's how I wanted to end her story, by letting her finally become a warrior, in a Clan more suited to her accepting mindset.

It was really cool getting to finally write a warrior name ceremony for Sasha. A very satisfying moment. :D Anyway, I think that's everything I wanted to say. Next chapter should be interesting. ^^
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Devinital's avatar
Ah, I'm so proud of Sasha. She's finally where she belongs. :3