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EOTW: Sasha's Calling: Chapter Eight

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Warriors Series 5.5: Echoes of the War
Novella 5: Sasha's Calling
Chapter Eight

     Sasha froze in shock. Stunned disbelief coursed through every hair on her pelt. She could feel her legs starting to tremble underneath of her – it took all of her self-control to remain standing.

     “I ask you to join my Clan as a warrior.” The words banged around in Sasha's head, distorting and stretching as she tried to wrap her mind around just what she'd heard. She'd grown close with SkyClan, yes. She'd allowed herself to be reluctantly nudged into every suggestion, staying longer, going on patrols, moving into the warrior's den, and she'd come to know each SkyClan cat like they were kin. But still, somehow, she would have never seen this question coming. Not this time. Not after so long.

     All around her, the cats of SkyClan were watching her, waiting to hear her answer. Everywhere she looked, acceptance and joy were shining in their eyes. Ebonyclaw's kits were squealing their joy from their spot near the nursery, while their mother looked on with an approving nod. Bouncefire's eyes were gleaming with the same approval from where he stood nearby. Frecklewish pressed against Sasha's side, purring her encouragement, while Clovertail and Petalnose blinked their joy at her nearby. Graypaw, Blizzardpaw, and even the shy Softpaw were purring loudly, staring at the loner with joy in their eyes. And Shrewtooth, the tom she'd come to care for so dearly, there was a deep well of joy and warmth and maybe even love in his eyes as he stared at her. Above all, his eyes were blazing bright with hope.

     There was a panicked fluttering in Sasha's heart. This was everything she'd ever dreamed of having when she had first fallen in love with Tigerstar. A Clan that wanted her. Warriors who saw her as their own. A wonderful, caring tom who cared about her, and might even love her. She had the friendship and approval of SkyClan's cats, and she was finally being offered a home with cats who cared about her. It was everything she had ever wanted.

     It was all too much.

     “No!” Everyone flinched away in surprise at the loner's outburst. Sasha scrambled back, her entire pelt trembling, eyes wide with panic. Shrewtooth took a step towards her, looking concerned, but she flinched away from his approach. “I-I can't. I can't join SkyClan.”

     “Why not?” Sparkkit demanded in a petulant wail. “You'd make a great warrior, and then you could tell us stories and you could show us more hunting moves!”

     “I can't. I just can't.” Panic was overwhelming her. Her chest was closing in on itself, her breath short, her head swimming. Everything suddenly felt too bright, too noisy. She couldn't stay where she was.

     Sasha took a step back, her legs shaking badly underneath her. “I... I'm sorry, Sharpstar,” she rasped out, just managing to string her words together through her panic. “I thank you for your kindness this past moon. But I can't stay. I don't belong here. I... I have to go. I have to go now.”

     Cries of shock rose from the crowd as Sasha spun around and bounded away from the Rockpile. “Sasha! Wait!” Sharpstar called after her, surprise and concern in his usually stoic tone.

     “Where are you going?” Frecklewish cried after her.

     But Sasha ignored them all. She blocked out the stunned, hurt cries of the cats behind her as she bounded over the rocks and out of camp, leaving her first real home in seasons behind her. Her panicked mind wouldn't let her rest even once the camp was behind her. She just kept running, and running, her mind racing with hurt, confused thoughts too tangled to sort through. All she knew was that she had to put as much distance between herself and SkyClan as possible. It was the only way to keep the hurt from growing.

     “Sasha!” The surprise of hearing his voice behind her finally snapped Sasha out of her stunned haze. She slowed to a halt, turning to face the black tom that stood behind her. Hurt was glowing in his eyes, but the concern that lined his face outweighed it. “Are you alright?” Shrewtooth asked. “You're shaking.” He made a move to approach, but when she backed away, eyes wide, he stopped.

     “I...” Sasha couldn't find the words to say what she was feeling. All of the warmth and possibly love she had ever felt for him was mixing together with a terrible, twisting agony at the thought of leaving him, and the horrible fear of what it would mean if she didn't. Finally, she ducked her head, her legs and tail trembling wildly. “I can't stay here, Shrewtooth,” she whispered. “I'm not like your Clanmates. I... I can't trust cats the way you all trust each other. It's just too much... I don't belong here.” A miserable mew escaped her. “I don't belong anywhere. I have to be alone.”

     When she finally dared to look up at Shrewtooth's face again, she could see the raw hurt and longing twisting together in his expression. He took a deep, shuddering breath, his own tail trembling lightly behind him. “I'm not going to see you again, am I?” he breathed. Sasha could hardly bear to hear the grief in his mew.

     “It's for the best,” she whispered.

     Shrewtooth stared at her for a long time, misery glowing in his eyes, before he let out a small sigh. Sasha stiffened as the tom approached her – only to relax as he merely gave her cheek a single, gentle lick. “You're an extraordinary cat, Sasha,” he murmured. The tom's breath tickled her cheek fur when he spoke. He pulled back, gazing at her with a storm of emotions in his eyes. “Thank you for helping my Clan. I wish things could be different – but I would never make you stay if that's not what you want.”

     Sasha's heart twisted in agony inside of her. I do want you, she thought, a lump forming in her throat as she looked at the brave, kind tom who had done so much to help her. But it's too much to bear. I just can't.

     Without another word, she turned and began trudging away, unable to bear looking at the misery in Shrewtooth's eyes any longer. He stayed where he was, watching her leave, until Sasha had disappeared into the undergrowth. Even once she'd passed out of SkyClan territory entirely, she could still feel his eyes on her, though she had left him far behind. She could still see his misery and hurt playing over and over in her mind.

     Once she had left SkyClan's border behind her, Sasha headed straight for the den she'd made before they'd taken her in. Even in her fever-induced haze, Sasha had managed to hide there the one thing she had from the time when her life was happy. It had stayed there all the time that she was in SkyClan. She quickly made her way to the bramble bush she'd used as a den, and began pulling away branches and scooping away snow and leaves, until she had finally unearthed what she had been looking for.

     The collar's pale pink color was nearly impossible to see after so many seasons. Dirt and grime and wear had turned her once beautiful collar into a grungy, tattered mess. The bell no longer rang, as too much dirt and mud had found its way into the crevices, and the thing was so torn and tattered that it could never be worn again. But it was as dear to Sasha as the day Ken and Jean had first slipped it onto her neck.

     Sasha settled herself into the shelter of the bramble bush, laying on one side with the branches intertwining over her and offering her shade from the midday sun. Her entire body was shaking with grief – she lay on the ground, curling her paw around the collar and drawing it close to her chest, desperate to draw some comfort from the memories it carried. But there was no comfort to be had now. All of the memories that swarmed her mind now were of the pain and loss she had suffered since losing her house folk, and just how much it had beaten her down.

     Her eyes closed, hurt aching in her chest. I miss you, Tigerstar, she thought. The loner whimpered, curling in tighter on herself. StarClan help me, I still love you. But feeling like this makes me wish I never set eyes on you.

     With a heart heavy with misery, and a mind swimming with regret, Sasha surrendered herself to a dark and fitful sleep.

SCENEBREAK

     Days went by in a dull blur after Sasha left SkyClan. She had meant to put as much distance between herself and the Clan as possible, but somehow, she just couldn’t bring herself to go very far. She settled for keeping her den outside of the territory and keeping away from its borders while she hunted, while still staying close enough to feel its presence. Every night, she scaled an ash tree near her den and stared out into the growing darkness, wondering what the SkyClan cats were doing and whether they were thinking of her.

     The she-cat was by now more than strong enough to survive alone, but her life as a loner seemed even more hollow and empty than she had remembered. The endless silence once filled by the voices of her kind battered at her ears and assaulted her senses. Every time she turned to ask Frecklewish a question or tell a joke to Ebonyclaw’s kits, there would be no cat there, and she felt their absence like a blow to her heart.

     Part of her was frustrated with her own regret. This was the life she had chosen. She’d wanted this. Yes, SkyClan had been kind, and yes Shrewtooth had come to be dearer to her than she ever would have guessed. But she knew what Clans were like. She’d been drawn in before, and each time, they’d taken everything she loved from her before casting her aside. She knew not all Clans were selfish or cruel - Leopardstar had been a fair, if strict leader, and she could’ve made a home in RiverClan. But even though he was dead and gone, the shadow of Tigerstar still stretched far enough over her to take that happiness away from her too. If she had stayed with SkyClan, something would have happened, and she would have ended up alone again. At least this time it was her choice - even if that choice left her feeling empty inside.

     A quarter moon after leaving SkyClan, Sasha woke to feel a heavy weight pressing down on her pelt. She started awake, panic flooding her, only to calm as she realized it wasn’t any living creature pining their weight against her. It had started snowing when she’d gone to sleep the night before, and the wind was blowing even more fiercely now, carrying thick sheets of snow and ice across the forest and to the ground. The weight she felt was the thick layer of snow that had settled atop her den and was pressing the branches of the bush low against her back

     The loner struggled free of her den, only to be blasted by fierce gusts of wind and ice. Her pelt fluffed out in alarm. Last night’s gentle snowfall had turned into a full, raging blizzard. The cold stung at her eyes and made every breath painful, chilling her all the way through to her bone.

     Fear flooded her as she struggled against the wind tugging at her - but not just fear for herself. Her treacherous mind went racing straight back to the gorge she’d left behind, and the cats that lived there. How would SkyClan cope with this blizzard when prey was already so scarce? After a moment, though, she gave herself a violent shake, forcing those thoughts away. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life worrying about SkyClan. She’d left them. She should focus on her own survival, not that of cats she would never see again.

     With that sorted, Sasha turned her mind to her own situation. She needed to eat, but not freezing to death was the greater concern. Perhaps it would be better to stay in her den for the day. But when she turned around to return to her den, she was halted by the sight of the bramble bush, which was crushed flat against the ground by the weight of the snow. Her pelt prickled with unease. After a moment, however, she turned and began padding briskly away. She would just have to find another den later. For now, she would hunt.

     But she had no better luck with that than she’d had with returning to her den. All of the prey in the forest seemed to have been scared into their dens by the storm. All of the preyscent was muffled by the thick blankets of snow. Everywhere Sasha turned, the only sight to see was the swirling sheets of snow, and the only sound to hear was the shrieking wind. There seemed to be no other living thing in the woods beside herself.

     The she-cat neared an oak tree, nosing despondently around its roots for any sign of prey. I wonder whether the kits are warm enough in the nursery, the treacherous voice in her head mewed.

     Poor Crowdusk must be freezing today, with that patchy coat of hers, it added as she chased a rustling sound under a bush, only to find it had been caused by a half-broken branch waving wildly in the wind.

     The voice whispered, Billystorm’s gotten so thin, he might not survive a cold like this, as she scraped snow aside to drink from a half-frozen stream, every lap of water like icy claws on her tongue.

     Stop it! Sasha shook her head, a growl forming in her throat. I left SkyClan behind! They can take care of themselves. As much as she tried to convince herself, however, she couldn’t banish the worry that sat like a weight in her belly. Every time she tried to focus on hunting, her mind would turn back to SkyClan, some new worry about how the blizzard was effecting them cropping up in her head.

     Finally, Sasha came to a halt, bracing herself against the freezing wind as she tried to sort through her conflicting emotions. She couldn’t just run back and forth between SkyClan and her life as a loner. She wasn’t like the daylight warriors. If she let herself slip, she would be back in for good. She couldn’t let that happen. She knew all too well how it would end.

     But something inside of her resisted. This wasn’t like the other times. Her stay in ShadowClan had been too brief to get to know anyone other than Russetfur well, and she’d been so focused on her kits while in RiverClan that she hadn’t really been able to grow close to anyone. SkyClan was different. She knew these cats. She’d fought against it as hard as she could, but she’d come to care for them, to love them like kin. That couldn’t be pushed away as easily as her brief acquaintance with ShadowClan and RiverClan.

     The loner shivered as the wind buffeted against her. She had been standing in place for a while, frozen in place by indecision. Fear was still keeping her back. She’d been hurt so badly before. Tigerstar’s betrayal had taken everything from her, even when she’d been determined to live her life without him, he’d still managed to tear everything down and leave her alone. These cats had never even met Tigerstar, and she was still letting fear of him control her.

     But as much as she tried to ignore it, she cared about the cats of SkyClan. It wasn’t just a few regrets she would be leaving behind this time - it was a Clan that had, despite her resistance, become like family to her. That couldn’t be ignored, and for the first time, she wondered if maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe there really was something worth going back for. That fear wouldn't let go of her heart, not even after all of this time, but maybe, just maybe, there was something worth risking feeling that loss again.

     After several more moments of silent, conflicted thought, Sasha finally started forward again. She turned herself towards SkyClan’s territory and forced her paws to keep her moving that way. Her gut was still twisted with fear, and her mind was no more made up than it had been when she started. All that she knew for sure was that she could no longer stand by in the storm while SkyClan could be suffering - even if she wasn’t ready to greet them openly.

      Sasha waited until she was near the border, then scrambled quickly up the first tree she could find. She hauled herself up onto a higher branch and paused. The bark was sleek with snow under her claws, and the snow made it hard to dig her claws in to keep her balance, but the branch she’d chosen was strong enough to hold her weight and the snow without swaying.

      She narrowed her eyes, scanning the tangle of treetops and branches that she had found herself in. Then she launched herself off of her branch, reaching out with her claws to catch onto a branch on the tree ahead of her. Her training from the last moon kicked in - she hauled herself swiftly onto the branch once she had her grip, then immediately scanned for the next branch to aim at, before taking off again. The snow made the branches more slippery than usual, and she had to take it slow, but she was able to travel from tree to tree without touching the ground at all.

      The thick snow flying all around her made it hard to see from one tree to the next, let alone all the way to the ground. But when she finally arrived at one of the popular hunting spots in SkyClan, she was able to spot exactly what she’d been looking for. A group of five cats were struggling through the snow beneath her. A tangle of emotions spiked through her when she saw Shrewtooth heading the patrol. He and his Clanmates looked weary and battered from the storm, but no thinner than they’d been when she’d left.

     “Fox dung! We haven’t found so much as a mouse out here!” Sasha had to strain her ears to hear Thymeleaf's yowl above the shrieking wind. “We're going to freeze to death out here before we find any prey.”

     Harrytooth's voice sounded next, his mew weary. “Shrewtooth, I think we should turn back. We're not going to last long in this cold.”

     Sasha felt a thrill of joy when she heard Shrewtooth's voice. “The Clan needs to eat tonight,” he reminded Harrytooth. The deputy sounded exhausted, and Sasha knew she wasn't imagining the hitch of grief in his mew. Something tightened in her throat. He misses me. “We'll go back soon, but we need to stay out a little longer. We should try to have something to bring back to camp.”

     As the patrol passed Sasha's tree and began padding away from it, their voices were lost to the howl of the wind. Sasha waited on her branch for a few moments, thinking over what she'd heard. Then she turned away with a sigh. SkyClan was struggling, but they would get through this storm without her. She should go.

     The loner began heading back towards the border by hopping tree branches again. Before she could reach the border, however, she was distracted by something moving below her. She  came to a halt, resting on a thick oak branch as she peered through the swirling snow.

     Her blood ran cold when she finally made out the shape through the snow. A huge black-and-brown animal with a sharp muzzle and pointed ears was prowling through the forest. Its shaggy pelt clung close to its bones, and there were scrapes along its back and neck, but the hard muscle that rippled under its pelt spoke of its strength. Sasha dug her claws into the tree bark, her head suddenly light with fear. A dog!

     The horrible truth dawned on Sasha as she stared at the brute's massive paws. She had seen those paws before, when Shelia had been digging a hole under the fence of a twoleg den. It was the dog that Shelia had been trying to free – and her efforts had paid off. The scratches on his back were probably from squeezing under the fence, and from how thin he was, he'd probably been loose in the forest for a few days. He probably hadn't had much to eat since leaving his twolegs. As Sasha watched, frozen in horror, the dog snuffled at the snow for a few moments before turning and padding the other way.

     In the same direction Shrewtooth's patrol had gone.
COVER: link
ALLEGIANCES: link
CHAPTER ONE: link
PREVIOUS: link
NEXT: link

Hmm, looks like Sasha's not willing to join a Clan, even after all this time. But she still can't put SkyClan out of her mind. ^^

Since a few people guessed it, I'll finally reveal which of the characters in this novella are returning characters from other EOTW books. The cameo cats are in fact Storm and Patch, Shelia's kits. Storm and Patch appear in Waning Moon, Trail of Ashes, Code of the Forest, and Silent Sacrifice. They are part of Breeze's group, and Storm eventually becomes Sol's mate.

I wanted at least one connection, however small, to this novella and the rest of the EOTW universe to sort of justify it being in EOTW canon, and I thought showing how Storm and Patch came to dislike the Clans in the first place would be interesting to explore and a good way to connect to the rest of EOTW. And hey, looks like both Sol and Storm hate SkyClan. That's probably part of how Sol won her over.

The dog in this chapter is also a german shepherd because I felt like it. :P I wanted a breed that could be used as a guard dog that wasn't a pit bull because pit bulls already get a bad rep as it is.

I think that's all I wanted to say here. It shouldn't be too long until the next chapter. ^^
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Devinital's avatar
Oh dear. SkyClan has a big problem on its paws.