Tigerstar's regret part 1

            Tigerstar lay alone, alone in the dark shadows of the everlasting night. There was no moon, no stars, no light to warm his pelt and remind him of happier times. There was nothing for him here, nothing at all. Nothing but the dark, drowning remorse that burned his pelt and chilled his heart. And the aching memories of tawny fur and blue eyes. Of her. Sasha. Even now, she haunted his dreams. It was the same thing, every night. She would be there, lying on something. The background would always be shadowy, but Tigerstar thought he could pick up a scent. Twoleg scent hung in the air, with the tang of seawater. Tigerstar gathered only that Sasha had returned to her kittypet life. She began to gain more and more weight as the dreams went on, confirming his guess. But, despite his former hatred for the life of a kittypet, Tigerstar could not bring himself to resent the decision that she had made. If the life of a kittypet truly suited her more, could he honestly say he loved her less for it?
            Tigerstar closed his eyes, willing sleep forth. In this accursed place of shadows, sleep was not needed, and often brought a dull emotionless wave upon whoever slept, but it was often used as an escape from the terrible agonizing remorse that was the result of living in the dark forest. Tigerstar slept  as often as a living cat. He knew it was useless, that it would only bring him more pain, but his restless need to be with Sasha always brought him back to his dreams. This night, however, was different. He and Sasha were in a familiar part of the forest. With a jolt, he realized that they were in the hollow were they had first met. He stared desperatly at Sasha. She was still a little chubby from her kittypet life, but that made her no less beautiful through his eyes. This dream was much more vivid then any of the dreams he had had before. Her clear blue eyes pierced through him, like they had in life. She stared at him, looking lost and scared. Instinctivly, Tigerstar stepped toward her, ready to comfort her. But she turned away from him. She walked away, away into the shadows. Tigerstar's heart nearly broke in two as he watched her leave. He let out a low wail of pain.
            Tigerstar awoke with Sasha's scent filling his nostrils. He opened his mouth and breathed it in, letting it dull his other senses. He wondered why the scent was so clear, so sharp today. Then, it came to him. Maybe she was in the forest! Eagerly, Tigerstar concentrated. He closed his eyes, and looked into the forest. He scanned the entire forest, every leaf on every tree, every twig on the ground. Finally, he found her. She lay on her side, in a small den. And by her stomach lay three tiny kits. Tigerstar stared at them intently. A small golden tabby she-kit was wedged between a strong black tom-kit, and a dark brown tabby tom-kit who looked almost exactly like Tigerstar. He stared at the kit, his son, in disbelief. So this was why Sasha had been so fat. This was why she had returned to the forest. Tigerstar felt his heart twist in pain. She could have told him. She could have told him in their dream. But she hadn't. Because she hadn't forgiven him for all the horrible things he had done.
            Tigerstar sighed. “But you will, Sasha.” He mewed aloud. “You will forgive me. I will make it up to you. I will prove myself to you one day, I promise.”